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“Sampson, did you hear the news?”

“Yes, Jeff?”

“We’re getting a new Permian Safari movie.”

“That’s… okay news? I was never really into Permian Safari to begin with, so it isn’t that much of a big deal to me.”

“I’m friends with one of the computer animators, and she just spilled the beans, forcing Utohruptu Speevenburg to make a public appearance in the city square.”

“Oh, so are you saying you want to go?”

“Well, my friend will be there, so it would be nice to see her at the event.”

“Okay, I’ll go. I’ll see what he has to say about the matter then, especially if there will be any information on the synapsids that are set to appear. I’ll get Kollin and Corrie – I know the former will be much more interested than me.”

 

Jeff, Sampson, Kollin and Corrie then picked up Lora to go to the event. She wasn’t too interested, but like Kollin, she did want to see if they would have any updated portrayals of the mammals.

Eventually, Jeff found a parking spot near Chasmsoria’s city square. The five maniraptors then got out of Jeff’s car (with Kollin and Corrie wearing their masks, of course), and started walking to a stage that had Speevenburg talking.

“So, fellow troodonts, you want to hear stuff about the new movie? Well, we’re still playing around with ideas at the moment, but I can assure you one thing. Yes, there will be new synapsids. Yes, we have a director in mind. And yes, our synapsids will not have any fur despite recent discoveries. They will still be the naked and sex- err, I mean, armoured creatures from the original film we all know and love.”

Corrie then gave Sampson a look, and the troodont then nodded. He then shouted “CODE 93! CODE 93!” Immediately, the two maniraptors then tacked Kollin, with Lora and Jeff watching with confused looks.

“What the hell are you two doing to me?!” Kollin questioned. “I was just sitting there coming up with an idea for the new contest that’s out to play with speculative ideas regarding prehistoric life!”

Corrie then turned to Sampson. “Well, that was awkward. I don’t believe we came up with our list of codes and then the first chance we get to use them, we get a false alarm.”

“Well, at least we won’t have Kollin ranting all night about how there won’t be any furry synapsids in the new movie.”

“SAY WHAT NOW?” Kollin then dashed up to the stage and then went behind it.

“Sampson, I think you should’ve been more cautious with your wording there,” advised Lora.

“Good point. Too bad we can’t use code 93 now that he’s dashed off, probably to sabotage the whole event.”

“You and Corrie came up with a set of codes for when Kollin would get annoyed at something?”

“Yeah… Corrie’s been pretty worried about him lately, so she suggested that we should make sure he doesn’t go too far with any actions.”

“Guys,” said Jeff.

“What?” said Sampson and Lora simultaneously.

“Just look at the stage with Speevenburg. I think I’m going to go for a walk and catch up with that friend of mine…”

After Jeff left, Sampson, Lora and Corrie could only stare in horror at what was happening.

“It’s a giant blob from outer space!” called one civilian. Eventually, everyone stopped staring in horror and started running away from the alien creature. It was just moving around and doing nothing else, except Speevenburg was squashed under it. However, its alien masters appeared in flying saucers and took it away with a tractor beam.

“Jimmy, stop acting like a terrorist and eat your comets for dinner!”

“But mum, I hate comets! They’re so icy and cold!”

“Shut up, my little spawn! Eat those comets and you don’t have to be our test subject for our next experiment!”

Immediately, Jimmy the giant blob stopped talking and went away with his mother, eating icy comets for dinner.

 

Wow, that giant blob was weird. Hope it didn’t do much damage. Kollin was still at the back of the stage, forced to postpone any plans he had thanks to an unexpected arrival. However, now he could continue what he was trying to do. Soon, Speevenburg, their new director, and their dumb executives will pay for their decision to keep the public in the dark.

He then found a door, and got out a lock-pick to open it. However, he wasn’t alone.

“Hold it right there, feathery thing!” The speaker was a plump Hadroshoese troodont with two red wattles on his neck, who was standing right behind Kollin.

“What do you want?”

“You are coming to an area that you are not allowed in. I am a volunteer guard.”

“Oh, so who are you then?”

“You can just call me Animal Rock Thing, for it is who I’m most known as.”

“Oh, so it’s you, the moron who runs the Permian Safari forum! The one who banned me!”

“Yeah. In fact, you do seem familiar. You remind me of one guy who would keep raging about random scat, and he was a massive jerk.”

“That’s because I am him, you dolt! IMGRITU? Ring a bell? Or maybe it won’t, because of your tiny little brain of yours.”

“Oh, so we meet again, my old friend.”

“Friend? Wow, you are a moron. Oh, and keep in mind that we may have met online, but this is our first true meeting.”

“Yeah, yeah. So, did Speevenburg annoy you when he said that there would be no feathers?”

“You bet I was! Now, just shut up and let me in, you bloody protozoan brain!”

“JARGON! PERMABAN! GET OUT! DUMB GUY!”

“…this is real life, you know.”

“I don’t care. I’m gonna get my pals over there and ban you from life anyway.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re going to tie me up and hold me hostage over something that isn’t even that big of a deal to the average troodont, and my friends will come and rescue me and make you look like the imbeciles you are in the process.”

“Wow, are you psychic?”

“No. Now, are you going to hold me hostage or continue to blabber on about random crap?”

 

“Jeff has wandered off, and Kollin is… somewhere. Lora, Corrie, what should we do first?”

“Well, we should call Jeff first,” Corrie suggested.

“I’ll get him on then.” Sampson then got out his phone and dialled Jeff’s phone number, 6764 846 763. “Jeff?”

“Oh hi, Sampson. My mate and I are just at the city shops and getting some dinner. Has Kollin returned since that ordeal at the stage?”

“That’s why I’m calling you. He hasn’t turned up since we told him the no feathers news, and he hasn’t tried to attack Speevenburg at all. I think something’s up.”

“I’ll try to come over shortly. I’ll tell my friend that I’m searching for Kollin.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

However, Jeff showed up immediately. “So, are we going to find Kollin now?”

“Wow, that was unusually quick,” Lora noted.

“A lot of things happen unusually quickly in this world, Miss Anuscler.”

“Fair point. Anyway, Sampson, Corrie, shall we start the search?”

“Yeah. Let’s start with the back of the stage,” decided Corrie.

 

“Oh, so how many of you fools are here to watch Speevenburg? Hundreds of you?”

“Yeah, IMGRITU, why else would be here? Oh, and we’re volunteer guards too.”

“Animal Rock Thing, that was a rhetorical question. Now, what are you going to get out of keeping me hostage here?”

“We’re doing it because we can. We’re here to make fun of you and your little fluffy furry friends.”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re not going to get away with kidnapping random civilians who just happen to like up-to-date scientific knowledge and hate backwards depictions of synapsids without drawing some sort of attention.”

“Quiet, furry!”

“You know, thanks to idiots like you, future intelligent civilisations are probably going to groan at that word and exaggerate the people of that culture into perverted weirdos.”

“Whatevs, guy. It’s your fault these inaccuracies are so frequent anyway.”

“WHAT A LOAD OF HORSE SHIT!”

“Uh… jargon, permaban?”

“Anachronistic insult aside, we are not spreading inaccurate information in any way.”

“Yeah, blah blah blah. You fluffy furry guys and your little scientist pals aren’t making the knowledge accessible to anyone but yourselves, you selfish hoarders. People don’t care about palaeontology because it isn’t important to the average troodont. Who cares if they find some new trilobite, or if the organs of a gorgonopsid get preserved. Nobody except you morons, that’s who. People would care if it was useful knowledge, but nobody seems to be bothered to teach it to us normal people. This is exactly why you have no right to complain about any inaccuracy that makes you cry to your parents. The very purpose of science is to teach, and you guys are doing a terrible job at it. In fact, by that logic, palaeontology might deserve to be called a pseudoscience.”

“SHUT. THE FUCK. UP. HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT PALAEONTOLOGY THAT WAY?”

“Uh, Mr IMGRITU, only Animal Rock Thing was talking.”

“BUT YOU CLEARY STAND BY HIM. Now, time to give you a piece of my mind!” Kollin then took off his mask and shocked everyone with his true appearance, and started his rant.

“Oh my, oh my. The very purpose of science is to teach? Wow, you must not read very much. Just look at any dictionary or encyclopaedia and you will find that the purpose of science if to explain the Universe. To understand why the things are the way they are. We also explain how we make our findings though our experiments. The hypothesis is where it all starts! You test your ideas to see if you are right or wrong. I’ve even seen shows aimed at pre-schoolers that have a far better and complex understanding of the Scientific Method than you do. Yes, we can teach the Scientific Method and the findings we make to the general public, but the actual science is finding the facts themselves. Science isn’t all about educating people, or helping them. Some of us research things like this simply because we are interested in them!

“As for your accusations of us being the reason that palaeontological inaccuracies are so common, I can say that you are just trying to find a scapegoat. You yourself said that people don’t care about palaeontology because it isn’t important to them. But this isn’t because it “isn’t important”. It’s because franchises like Permian Safari are very influential to the masses. Do you understand that the original film was trying to be scientifically up-to-date? It even made the point that synapsids still live on as the mammals we see today! The film shed some the old stereotypes of cave dwelling, obese, moronic animals with the metabolism of a therizinosaur, but it created more to take their place. Now, imbeciles like your friends here are nostalgically attached to their precious super therocephalians and gorgonopsians, and the rest of the public hasn’t received anything to challenge their perceptions enough to care. If the original Permian Safari film was able to update people’s perceptions of dinosaurs, then why can’t this new film do the same? Permian Safari is too influential to slack off on the science. People deserve to get an updated picture on these prehistoric animals they love so much. Oh yeah, people DO love palaeontology. It’s a great way to introduce people to science, with all of the amazing creatures that lived millions of years ago. And it does have its place in society, for it teaches us about what the Earth has been through in the past, and of events that could happen in the future!

“Oh, and a few more things. Why palaeontology? Other sciences are misrepresented in popular culture too. It’s even more prevalent in history as well, sometimes even leading to myths about myths! Did you know that many people knew the world was round hundreds of years ago, and not flat? Or that Tom Edensaur didn’t invent the light bulb. There’s still people who think we only use ten percent of our brain, or that tongue map for crying out loud! So, why don’t you go and think about what you say to more scientifically minded people, and go back to fapping to V3l0ci Sp3ctr0 from The Parksosaurs. Oh wait, you’re just going to paint fans of that series as perverts, when there’s only a few people like you who are one!”

Animal Rock Thing was stunned. Nobody had challenged his views in such a bold way before. “…but I’m so in love with V3l0ci Sp3ctr0! She’s the best thing ever! Nobody touches my precious V3l0ci Sp3ctr0!”

“Oh, is that all you have to say? None of you at least have anything to say about my true identity being an Albertonykus even? Oh, and look, someone’s opening the door.”

Sampson, Lora, Jeff and Corrie then ran in, untied Kollin, and the five maniraptors then escaped. “So, who were those guys?” asked Corrie.

“My enemies… the members of the Permian Safari forums! The big one was Animal Rock Thing,” answered Kollin.

“Well, I’m going to go back to my friend now,” decided Jeff. “See you guys another time.”

“Wait, Jeff?”

“Yes, Lora?”

“Why do always refer to your friend as ‘my friend’ and not by his actual name?”

“…I don’t know, Lora. I don’t know.” He then ran away really quickly, hoping to reach his friend as quickly as possible.

“Let me guess. Jeff is on a date with someone and he’s too embarrassed to admit who it is,” suggested Sampson.

“Jeff is usually pretty open with this sort of stuff, so there must be something peculiar about this friend of his he won’t share with us,” replied Lora.

“Indeed. Hopefully this won’t be something massive like those other times we got hints of something that was about to happen.”

Kollin then interrupted their conversation, shouting “Guys! I don’t have my mask! We need to move it or I’ll be dumped in the woods with a tag!”

“He’s right guys,” Corrie agreed. “Let’s get moving before we get anymore trouble.”

So after months, I've finally written another episode of Palae-oh-no! I had doubts about the quality of this episode, but I can assure you that at least the massive rant will be enough to make the episode good enough. Trivia time!

- Utohruptu Speevenburg? Yes, it's a reference to Steven Spielberg, but it's also a reference to what the original name for Utahraptor would be: "Utahraptor spielbgeri". No, this is serious.
- Basically, I got the idea for this episode after I heard the news that Jurasic Park IV would have no feathered dinosaurs, which caused a lot of mixed reactions. I decided that this was a good theme to base an episode around, so here we are!
- Speevenburg finds naked synapsids sexy? No, this is not a jab at Spielberg, but a reference to all of the palaeontology jokes going around saying that Jurassic Park fanboys spend their time fapping to the raptors as protrayed in the film.
- Code 93. I don't even need to explain why this is a Jurassic Park reference.
- Okay, I figured that you guys were familiar enough with Kollin to start subverting jokes involving him. And I did it... twice. Well, the first was a double subversion, but the second one was just a completely random idea I had. I do wonder if this was too weird, but I'll see what you guys think (though to be fair, this was making up for a big lipped alligator moment that was going to be in the Siberia episode on hold, which was just as weird).
- Oh, so Animal Rock Thing returns? Too bad I couldn't find more opportunities to have him say dumbed down scientific words, though he was still fun to write. Also, the whole "JARGON! PERMABAN!" thing was inspired by :icondj-miller:, so credit goes to him for that inspiration.
- 6764 846 763 might seem like a pointless edition, but get out a phone keyboard. See if you can find any dinosaurian word.
- Oh yeah, the rant. That was the best part about writing this episode. Also, you will probably get some humour out of it if you realise that the subtlety of who Animal Rock Thing is was pretty much just thrown out of the window here. If you remember what The Parksosaurs was, you'll have an even bigger idea of who it is (and yes, the numbers in V3l0ci Sp3ctr0 were somewhat inspired by DJ-Pon3).
- Fun, another mystery. Don't worry, it will be solved like any other.

So yeah, Palae-oh-no is back with a bang! I can assure you that more will come too...
Add a Comment:
 
:iconalbertonykus:
Albertonykus Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013
Good to see this back. Quite a timely episode too.
Reply
:icontyrannotitan333:
Tyrannotitan333 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks! Yeah, it was about time I should finally get back to work on these.
Reply
:iconzimices:
Zimices Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist
"Yes, we can teach the Scientific Method and the findings we make to the general public, but the actual science is finding the facts themselves. Science isn’t all about educating people, or helping them."

Nice definition, and it is something that the people involved in Science must remember. Although exists a science about teaching: Pedagogy :)
Reply
:icontyrannotitan333:
Tyrannotitan333 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Heh, that's actually pretty interesting. Didn't know that science existed.
Reply
:iconzimices:
Zimices Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist
Well, probably it's not the first thing that you think when heard about sciences... I mean, it's part of the social sciences.
Reply
:icontyrannotitan333:
Tyrannotitan333 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah, that makes more sense.
Reply
:iconfiftyfootwhatever:
FiftyFootWhatever Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
It took me a bit of research to understand what you were talking about regarding the phone number, but I think I got the code. I really missed this series, it's always fun to read and the paleontology in-jokes are hilarious too! :XD: I swear, it's giving me ideas already... :D
Reply
:icontyrannotitan333:
Tyrannotitan333 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks! Luckily, I'm hopefully going to write out some more episodes soon.
Reply
:iconbhut:
bhut Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013
That was a really nice chapter! :)
Reply
:icontyrannotitan333:
Tyrannotitan333 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, it's technically not a chapter (more a series or stories), but thanks anyway. :D
Reply
:iconornitholestes1:
Ornitholestes1 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ha, animal rock thing's rant was spot-on!
Reply
:icontyrannotitan333:
Tyrannotitan333 Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks!
Reply
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