Kollin was logging into his computer, and went to the Permian Safari forums. He then browsed the newest threads as the member IMGRITU, but one caught his eye: FOSSIL CRAP PLACE IS GONE FOREVER. Interested, he went to see what this new thread was about, and he wasn’t amused.
Animal Rock Thing: Hello my lovely Permian Safari members. Today is a special day. Today is the end of the Fossil Crap Place, because of a bunch of dumb smart people!
So basically, these dumb elitists are saying all of this jargon stuff because they can. The problem is that they’re leaving everyone out, and as a result are a bunch of stupid insufferable geniuses who think they’re better than everyone. They’re all a bunch of idiots who hate everyone and keep making up annoying arguments for the sake of it. They go around beating up the poor guys who don’t know all of this stuff.
Speaking of which, I’m also shutting the Fossil Crap Place down because of the jargon scat that’s going around. They’re all “OOOOOH LOOK AT US WE’RE SO SMART BECAUSE WE KNOW WHAT A TARSOMETATARSUS IS”, but they’re just trying to exclude everyone so they can have all of the glory and stuff. So now, we have to use terms that everyone understands. For example, if you want to say tarsometatarsus, say the thingamajig bone in the foot. If you want to say Parasaurofelus, say the big fat guy with the curvy horn on the head. Simple? You bet. So basically, stop using jargon scat and start talking in language that everyone can understand!
Yours sincerely, Animal Rock Thing.
“They have got to be fucking kidding me!” Kollin, furious at this announcement, then went and started pacing around the room in frustration.
This caught the attention of Corrie, who asked “Okay, what now?”
“The Permian Safari admin has closed the palaeontology forum just because he hates us being technical! Oh, and he thinks we’re jerks too, even though there was only one member who actually went around harassing everyone.”
“Are you sure he isn’t just trying to make accessible to people of all educational levels?”
“He said something along those lines, but why can’t members just ask us if they don’t know something? Or do one minute of research? Seriously, what is their problem?!”
“You could always suggest that to the mods, you know.”
“I could do that, though they are pretty arrogant and dogmatic, so they may not listen to members of a lower rank. But hey, I’ll give it a shot.”
Kollin then went back to the thread, only to see that the announcement had received many replies, both positive and negative.
Gorgonopsid15: Wow, bravo! You sure gave those guys the beating they deserved. But say, where are we going to talk about fossil crap now?
Therocephalia Rulz: Yes! Finally those assocks get what they deserve! They were as annoying as a big feathery monster with a big mouth eating all of your livestock. Time to have a new era of peace.
Fishguy: Well… so you closed down a forum because people were using language that is required in palaeontology? Sure sounds like a good idea.
Temnospondylian: Ha ha! I was worried this day would never come! Hooray to a new era for talking about animals that lived millions of years ago and the methods of learning about them!
IMGRITU: What. The. Fuck. This is the most absurd decision that has ever been made on this forum!
So… why don’t you show us some proof that we “insufferable geniuses” actually are trying to cause trouble and discord in this place? I can tell you that there is only really one member who I would call a jerk, and that we aren’t trying to make all of your lives miserable. We’re just trying to make the best out of what we can.
Oh, and why do we speak jargon? We are using terms that make sense in palaeontology. We need these terms to know what we are talking about. I mean, are we really going to call temporal fenestrae “holes in the head”? I mean, holes in the head could mean the orbits (oops, sorry darlings, “holes where the eye go”) for goodness sake! If you don’t know what a term means, why don’t you just ask another member, or do some quick research? It really isn’t that hard. In fact, I know members here who learnt this stuff from that very forum – knowing that is actually really insulting. So thanks, and I hope you enjoy your dictatorship mods!
Animal Rock Thing: Shut the hell up, because I’m the admin! You two little rascals will get what you deserve – PERMABANS. I’m especially looking forward to seeing you get the boot, IMGRITU!
Ojoraptorsaurus: Hi im Ojoraptorsaurus and i want to say i think IMGRITU has a point because my english isnt very good because i speak other language. Using proper names makes it easier for me to understand, like Ojoraptorsaurus boerei.
Animal Rock Thing: Shut up! I looked up what ojoraptorsaurus was and I found out that it was just a big bird with small wings and a funny helmet? See, this is the stuff I’m talking about. This moron can say bye bye!
Partay_Animal: YOU FUCKING DUMBFUCK YOU FUCKING RUINED THIS FUCKING FORUM FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU YOU ARE SO LAME YOU RUINED EVERYTHING AND YOU DISRESPECT US YOU FUCKTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IMGRITU: See, that’s the only jerk on this forum. Wait, so banning us was just a threat?
MOD EDIT: No. You are officially banned now.
AbXy: No offense, I see that you have problems with some members, but aren’t you guys treating them a little unfairly?
Animal Rock Thing: What a stupid attitude! I make the rules, and I enforce them, so you’re getting the boot-ay too.
Anyway, I now have a new thread so all of the good people can talk about fossil crap stuff. Use any jargon and you get a ban. Also, complain about this somewhere else and you will be hunted down and suffer.
Those imbeciles! Fools! Trying to make it accessible to everyone while dumbing everything down to the extreme, and kicking out the people that can help them learn! Kollin then went over to Corrie, and reported “Okay, didn’t work at all.”
“The admin didn’t listen because he was too obsessed with using his position to do whatever he wants! Oh, and the dumbing down is idiotic?”
“Okay, so what’s an example?”
“They called Ojoraptorsaurus a big bird with tiny wings with a funny helmet.”
“…that’s actually kind of insulting. Ugh, stupid speciesism! First, alvarezsaurs get called stumpos, and now oviraptorosaurs get called big birds! Oh yeah, and it sounds incredibly stupid too. Okay, I want to see this for myself.” Corrie then got on the computer and browsed the Permian Safari forums. She then decided to see the new palaeontology thread created, just to see what the enforced rules did.
Animal Rock Thing: My fellow feathery friends with the hook claws on your toes, this is our new thread to talk about fossil crap stuff. Thanks to a bunch of meddling rascals in the original Fossil Crap Place, which you can read here, we now can only talk about the subject here. Oh, and make sure, no jargon like “THE THEOFOSTUPULUS OF THE JUMBULUM IN THE ORBITAL NASAL POSITION OF THE CRANIUM OF THE UNEXUS OF THE BLINGBLINGIUM INSIDE THE ISOTOPES CAUSES EXCRUCIATING DECORUMUMUM INSIDE THE GLANDULAR POSTHUMOPOLOUS” is said, or you will be banned.
So, the other day, I heard about this new animal. It lived, like, millions of years ago, and it ate guys. It’s this big crocodile that has flippers, but it’s really massive, and kills you in one second. It’s as huge as a bus, and it’s really fast. Did anyone else hear about this monster?
“Okay, Kollin, that really is dumb. What was that animal he was even talking about?”
“It sounds like a pliosaur to me. But yeah, it’s so annoying. There is only one solution to this problem. We must stop them from influencing others at all costs. Even if it means a cyber-war.”
“Oh, Kollin. What makes you so sure that other forums will follow their example? And in all seriousness, why don’t you just try and move on?”
“I just know something like this could happen. As for your latter question, no. I cannot move on, as it will simply drive me crazy. This is the most serious thing I’ve ever faced during my life on the internet – the right for the intelligent to be intelligent.”
“Can you at least give it a break?”
“No. I will not rest until I believe we can be free, while those less experienced than us can exist too. I’m going to contact every member I can find. Corrie, you will have the job of browsing past threads to see if there is any particular member we need to keep track of.”
“Hey, since when did I need to be involved? This is your business, and I don’t want to get involved with it.”
“Oh, come on! I can’t do all of the hard work myself!”
“Surely, there would be many people like you to do that job.”
“No, I wanted you to browse the forum while we were planning. Plus, we don’t want anyone calling you a big bird anymore, do we?”
“Okay, you got me. I’ll do a search if I must.”
“Perfect! Now, time to contact the others in our secret chat room!”
IMGRITU has joined the chat.
SamMan: Okay, are you here because of what happened on Permian Safari?
IMGRITU: I am. How many others are here because of it?
SamMan: Fishguy, Partay_Animal, Gorgonzilla, Liopleurodon II, Jamguy, and AbXy.
IMGRITU: So, should we keep an eye on them?
Liopleurodon II: Of course! We don’t want them to influence any other forums!
SamMan: Why don’t we take our minds off the subject for a bit and relax.
Anon: Yeah guys, chill.
Partay_Animal: Who are you, Mr. Anonymous?! And why are you in our chat when it’s secret?
Anon: None of your business. I just randomly found this place and everyone was all grumpy.
AbXy: Guys, like Sam said, let’s just relax for a bit.
Liopleurodon II: Not until we know who the Anon is!
IMGRITU: Ugh, why don’t you tell us who you are? I mean, it’s totally not like someone could be spying on us considering the situation.
Anon: Pal, why would anyone want to spy on you?
Jamguy: IMGRITU has a point. Reveal yourself now.
Partay_Animal: Don’t worry, I have an idea.
Gorgonzilla: Okay, this isn’t going to be accusing him of being a religious nut until he gives in, is it?
Anon: Okay, what do you want?
Partay_Animal: So, Mr. Anonymous, what animal lives down south and eats troodonts stuck in quicksand?
Anon: The birdie with the neck like the big grey tail neck lizard and the wings like the little guys that have the beaks and steal your food.
Partay_Animal: Failure to describe Quetzalcoatlus and failing to describe the animals that he claims to resemble it? I think we all know who this is!
Anon: I swear, it wasn’t my fault! I was told to do this!
IMGRITU: But you’re in charge of the forum!
Anon: Oh haha, little guy.
IMGRITU: Now, if you’re going to encourage other forums to follow your example, we will stop you. Those massive amounts of members that you banned today will support us, and eventually, we will be accepted!
Anon: Yeah, whatever. Like a bunch of nerds is going to undermine me. Anyway, I’ll see all you losers once you get your little army together.
SamMan: War is not the solution. We need to talk this through with him.
Fishguy: Yeah, good luck with that.
Liopleurodon II: Wait, how did Animal Rock Thing get in here anyway when you need a password?
Partay_Animal: Finally, we can talk about this. He obviously got the password from one of the members here.
SamMan: I’m friends with him in real life, so he must have seen it somewhere at my place.
Fishguy: Ooooh, maybe Sam’s scared because he doesn’t want to ruin his little friendship!
Liopleurodon II: You don’t have to join us if you don’t want to, Sam.
SamMan: No, no. I’ll stay. I want to see how this goes.
IMGRITU: I have to leave now. Received some important information.
IMGRITU has left the chat.
“Corrie, what did you find?”
“Look at this. It’s a member from ages ago. He said ‘You guys are all crazy. You jerks need to be more open to newer and better ideas, and be prepared for the new age’.”
“Okay, why is this relevant?”
“It may have been a minor influence on the admin’s decision, despite it being from a few years ago. Also, it reminds me of that radio interference we got down in Notonas. Whoever this is, they don’t look good.”